Anxiety strikes!

I'm five months pregnant with my first baby and that terrifies me. I keep thinking something is going to go wrong because nothing is perfect. My life has always been difficult and I know with a baby it will be harder but it's the only really good thing in my life and I want it more than anything. I keep reading or even seeing women who have had babies with so many problems and my newest fear is trisomy 18. It's scary to think this could happen. I know I am healthy and all of my ultrasounds have looked great and the heartbeat has been perfect but I can't stop thinking about defects.
I have always been a hypochondriac and now I have another life to worry about. I worry more about my unborn baby lately than I do about myself. I guess that's natural but it's also incredibly stressful and I know no one wants to hear a list of my fears every day. I know I need to think optimistic and realize I am otherwise a healthy individual but I always have the "what if" thought in the back of my mind. I seriously could not handle someone telling me something is wrong with my baby.

I had blood taken about a week ago at my OB appointment and they have yet to call me to tell me if everything is OK which makes me more concerned. It makes me think they're waiting until my next appointment to give me the bad news. I hate this helpless feeling. I seriously already feel like something is wrong and if it is, then it's all my fault. I just want everything to be OK. I know that's all any mother wants but I genuinely mean it. I wish it was February already and I knew everything was alright.

Happy Birthday to me!

I am 18 weeks pregnant today exactly and felt the baby move for the first time. It is also my 24th birthday. What a great birthday gift!

I had a pretty relaxing birthday. I had some pizza and my Mom bought me a cake.

24... sigh. I'm getting up there I guess.